Dear John

I've gotten some great advice from John Mayer in the past. (Not personally, of course, although I can dare to dream.) For instance, at his concert in June, he warned us ladies to stay away from guys who wear their hats at an angle. He even made the connection that the angle of the hat corresponded directly to how much of a dick the guy is. Great advice.

And now, John is helping us out by attempting to define the modern douche-bag, along with a helpful image demonstrating what one may look like. If you are curious as to his definition, check it out here. Let it be your guide. He's never steered me wrong.

Best Christmas Present Ever

In honor of one of my favorite holidays, here is the best way to pass the time after you've opened your Christmas presents... or the time spent in anxious anticipation of said presents.

Without further ado, I present: make your own ugly Christmas sweater.
http://weloveholidaysweaters.wehatesheep.com/

Merry Christmas to all, and happy knitting!

Is This Your Biggest Problem?

There is a crisis happening on the Internet and in the world.

Perez Hilton's YouTube account got suspended.

If you don't believe me, see this video of the celebrity gossip blogger himself, detailing why his account was suspended and why it's such a tragedy.

I understand that what he does on his gossip site is actually what he does for a living, and this could cause some problems with his job, but isn't there something better he could be doing than whining on YouTube, ABOUT YouTube? He claims that he drives more traffic to YouTube than anyone else on the Internet, so why doesn't he use his power to inform his millions of readers about something that even marginally matters? Don't get me wrong, reading Perez is one of my guilty pleasures, but sometimes there is more to life than a website not letting you post Liza Minnelli's drunken on-stage ramblings.

Things I Love: The Office, and Parodies.

By this year, everyone has seen the "Elf Yourself" website, created last year by OfficeMax. (Or is it Staples? I can never remember. Leaves you questioning the success of their branding, doesn't it?)

But you may not be familiar with OfficeMax's smaller competitor, Dunder Mifflin, a paper company based in the Northeast. In an effort to stay up to date with its "big-box" competitor, DM has come out with their own twist on "Elf Yourself" -- "Gnome Yourself."

Yes, Dunder Mifflin is the fictional paper company on which the TV show "The Office" is based. Which makes "Gnome Yourself" that much more fun, since in addition to putting your own face on an elf, you can "gnome" characters from the show, and send them to your friends. Dwight and Creed make especially creepy gnomes, while Toby's just looks sad.

So spread some holiday cheer, but make sure the people you spread it to are Office fans... otherwise they might not get it. But it's quick, it's easy, and it feels good... that's what she said.

YouTube Will Take Over the World.

YouTube has announced that it is partnering with a couple hardware makers to make posting videos to its site that much easier. Casio is one of the major manufacturers, with its new Exilim camera that comes with YouTube-specific uploading software. It also records videos in settings that are already set to upload perfectly to the specifications of YouTube.

Sure, it's a nice feature, and you get a cool little YouTube sticker on your camera, but is it really that innovative? Based on the large amount of crap that ends up on the internet, it can't be all that hard to simply upload a video to YouTube. It seems like this feature will be used largely by suburban moms who want to put videos of school pageants online for extended family to watch. Or they will be used by college students to more easily record and post videos while they are still drunk.

With this new partnership, I forsee more gems like this making their way onto the Internet for all to see:

Collaboration is a Beautiful Thing

Nothing to really comment on here. My obsession with John Mayer is pretty widely known, so there's really no explanation as to why I so thoroughly enjoy this clip. I think the fact that he can basically just jump in with another band, sing his own song AND mix in another hit song speaks to his talent as an artist. You would never see Britney Spears doing that... but then again, there are a lot of things you would never see her doing. Like being a responsible citizen.

Anyways, enjoy this clip of John Mayer singing a mash-up of "Waiting on the World to Change" and Alicia Keys's "No One."

Why Didn't I Think of This?

I have discovered my dream job. Sadly, someone is already doing it.

Sean Aiken, a 25 year old from Canada, has decided that he doesn't know what his passion in life is, at least not in terms of what he wants to do for a living. So he had the incredible idea of doing a different job each week, for one year. Of course, he is chronicling this adventure in a blog, called One Week Job. The way the media world is working right now, he will most likely have a book deal at the end of the year, and then will probably sell the rights to his story to some major Hollywood production company, who will probably make it into a movie starring Shia LeBoeuf or Zac Efron.

Regardless of the outcome of this adventure, it sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me. This guy gets to travel the country, meet lots of different people, try out 52 different careers, and just write about it.

Maybe this is the way life should be. In our ADD-ridden culture, people move from job to job frequently. So why not make a permanent career out of it? The advertising world, with its seemingly revolving door system of hiring and firing, scares the crap out of me. Our grandparents had the same jobs for 50 years, but do those kind of careers exist anymore? The job market drastically changed from our grandparents' generation to our parents' generation, and who knows what will happen with ours. Variety is the spice of life, and I think this guy is spicing it up perfectly.

Why the Writer's Strike Needs to End.

I'll admit it, I occasionally enjoy watching The Hills. Mostly so that I can mock it and its fake-ness. But given the recent writer's strike in Hollywood, my favorite (openly scripted) shows have been running into their last episodes. This forces me to watch "reality" programming such as The Hills. (Which is clearly not reality, and is clearly scripted. But whatever.)

This video, a parody of The Hills with James Franco and Mila Kunis, is so eerily close to the actual show it makes me sick... but makes me laugh at the same time. END THE WRITER'S STRIKE, BRING BACK REAL TV!

The Verge of the Unknown

Yes, it's true. I gave in.

I figured that it was about time I started a blog. And I mean a real, grown-up blog, one that I update regularly with things that may be entertaining or even useful for the rest of the world. This is, of course, opposed to blogs that are full of adolescent word vomit, or a means to passive-aggressively make one's feelings known to one's friends and enemies. Those are boring.

I don't know exactly what this will be yet. That's sort of the story of my life right now, though-- I don't know exactly what it will be yet. But in the mean time, I will be contributing to the blogosphere by posting things that I find interesting, meaningful, helpful, and just plain funny.

I'll start by letting you in on the inspiration for the title of this blog. It comes from a new song by one of my favorite singers, John Mayer, called "Say." It's from an upcoming movie called "The Bucket List," starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman, which, I believe, is about two old men who are dying and decide to do all the things they've always wanted to do. It's sort of a "carpe diem" anthem, reminding us to not hold back, and just, well, say what we need to say.

Here's the lyrics, enjoy! (Oh, and the video is free to download on iTunes!)

“Say,” John Mayer

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems
Better put ‘em in quotations
And just say what you need to say…

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you’d be better off instead if you could only
Say what you need to say…

Have no fear in for giving in
Have no fear in forgiving over
You better know that in the end
It’s better to say too much
Than never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open
Say what you need to say…